Title: If I Knew Then
Rating: PG for now.
Pairing: Noah Puckerman / Rachel Berry (Puckleberry)
Spoilers: Season one to be safe, though it's AU.
Summary: She cries all the way to her house, thinking of the things she'll never have, the love they will never share, thinking of what the future holds in store for her. The future without him. - When he wakes up the next morning, there's no sign of her, nothing but her smell against his skin and the memory of her body against his.
Disclaimer: Everything you recognize is not mine.
Author's note: This is unbeta-d. So all the mistakes - and I'm sure there are plenty - are mine. English is not my first language.
She knows it's wrong.
They've been dancing around each other for years, but even though her body wants this more than anything, she knows her head is right when it keeps screaming at her that she shouldn't be doing this, that it is a mistake. She knows this better than anyone, she doesn't need to be reminded. She should just pull back and leave; walk away while she can, while she still has some of her dignity intact.
While she is not yet another girl in Noah Puckerman's bed. (Or, well, couch, but really, all semantics, right?)
She wants to leave, she truly does. Her mind is hazy from all the drinking and she was all too willing to engage in their current activity, but she knows it won't end well. So really, she wants to leave, but then he is whispering sweet nothings in her ear, his hands trailing down her body in a way that it feels as if he's trying to memorize her, all the curves in her body, the swell of her breasts and the feel of her stomach and suddenly, suddenly she just feels so wanted that she doesn't want to leave anymore. She wants to stay right here with him, wants to feel his mouth against hers, his skin touching hers in a way she never thought she would feel, their bodies fitting together so perfectly. How could she leave when being with him, right then and there felt so... right?
She can feel his member pulsing against her, wetness shooting through her as he trails soft kisses down her thigh, his hands slowly removing her panties. All these years she had heard him talking about all the ways he could make a girl feel and at that moment, she feels as if he was being incredibly humble and that all of her fantasies (and there were plenty) did not do him justice, because she's pretty sure that he's close enough to actually set her body on fire.
When she feels his erection pushing into her, she bites hard on her lip to keep from crying out, because even though she's pretty sure he knows, she doesn't want to tell him that he is her first. He seems to sense her discomfort though, and he stills himself inside her, lips brushing against her ear as he lets our ragged breaths.
"Y'okay?" he asks and she exhales slowly before pumping her hips against him, silently telling him to continue. His soft hazel eyes peer down at her when he starts to move again but she closes her own eyes; his gaze just feels too powerful for her at that moment and she doesn't want to think about what it all means. She's drunk and horny, he was there to help and there's all there's to it.
They're not making love. He is Noah Puckerman, she's pretty sure he doesn't even know the meaning of the word. No, this is just another random hook-up for him and she has to treat it as such. It doesn't matter that he's the one who sought her out tonight. It doesn't. All that she wants to focus at the moment is the feel of his member moving in and out of her, the feeling of his kisses, hot and urgent against her lips, the feel of him. That's all that matters for her right now.
She lets out a loud moan as he pinches her nipples with his hands, pumping into her as his lips work against her neck, biting hard, marking her, as if she needed a physical evidence of the power he has over her. She doesn't, but he's probably not realizing what he is doing and she thinks that maybe it'll be nice to feel like she's his, even if it's just for a few days. It's better than never knowing that feeling at all.
She wants to make it last forever. She knows it's a mistake, that she should not be getting a taste of something she'll never have, but as she feels her stomach coiling with each trust, shivers running up her spine with every kiss, she think it's the best mistake she'll ever make in her life. She wants to say it won't affect her, that her life won't change, but right here and now, this is her turning point. This is the moment that defines the rest of her life, and deep inside her, she's well aware of that particular fact.
Things will never be the same.
And as she feels her orgasm rippling through her, his body shuddering just moments after, she knows that everything has changed. As his name falls from her parted lips in a cry of pleasure, she knows there's no turning back. He has marked her as his, has ruined forever any chance any other man might have had with her. She doesn't understand the extension of their actions yet, but she knows that Noah Puckerman just changed her life.
"Noah..." she whispers, gasping as he pulls himself from inside her, after-waves coursing through her body. She wants to say something, anything, but for the first time in her life, she's rendered speechless. All she wants to do is stare at the ceiling as he settles his body next to hers, pulling her close to him as he places a soft kiss to the side of her jaw, nuzzling his nose against her skin in a way that sends shivers up her spine.
"Sleep," he commands, voice raspy as his eyes flutter closed, his grip against her waist tightening. He doesn't see as a tear escapes her eyes, soon followed by other and then another. He doesn't move when she disentangle her body from his, immediately missing the warmth radiating from his body. He mutters something when she opens the door but he's too tired to be shaken up from his peaceful slumber.
She cries all the way to her house, thinking of the things she'll never have, the love they will never share, thinking of what the future holds in store for her. The future without him.
When he wakes up the next morning, there's no sign of her, nothing but her smell against his skin and the memory of her body against his.
It's six years before he sees her again.